I suppose as it’s been a while and cause I can’t be Jaffed (to try and disseminate that word in to the collective lexion) to write a (gravelly voice over) Previously on Chronic Pandering!!!! I better stick in some links.
Moving through the darkened tunnels I try to formulate a plan I need to get out of this place what ever it is there is one way but loathe to even consider it. the remaining pieces of the sabotaged containment field could theoretically, with a bit of rewiring, be used to generate a random leap portal and with the necessary randomosity calculation could be used to leap to any point in time and space. On the face of it this seems like a perfect solution however and it’s a big hairy balls out however, I’ve never quite gotten the calculations right and even under ideal circumstances (which these arn’t) some of my errrrmm sperimenting has gotten a bit ummm
Hearing sounds of Verminous henchmen er henchrats er no that’s not right either. Hang on stop DC we might be concentrating on the wrong problem here. Anyway the sounds of scuttling feet moving to intercept me spur me to attempt my dangerous poorly thought out concoction of a plan. I start the intricate work of assembling the necessary equipment.
Now for the necessary calculation take the square root of the hypotenous of a triangle to 6 to the power of infinity and erm devide it by something or other with a ¿ ~ = 6DCmznTKXJg $ hash tag I don’t know what I’m doing, er fuck a duck that will do.
And with these random scrawlings err……carefully calculated coordinates entered the room starts to shake. an ominous rumbling sound seems to come from every corner at once and with a blinding flash of light the very fabric of reality is torn asunder.
Standing before the open portal I squish my feelings of fear to the back of my mind take a deep breath and Jumped.
The thing about random jump technology apart from the Splodey potential is that you very rarely end up were you wanted to be but entirely randomly you quite often end up where you need to be!
Fighting off the nausea and trying to stop the world spinning I take in the details. I seem to be in an office of some sort, a desk and computer dominate the room the rest of the office is schizophrenic in nature as ifvit had changed ownership recently, Hazard warning stripes are everywhere. one wall is dominated by an intricate Purse storage and display cabinet. A plaque on the wall reads
The boss lady will see you now.
This best be IMPORTANT!!!!
Suddenly a voice eminates from the Corner
“DC you made it. Excellent time to get you up to speed”
At this moment a women looking very harassed but with an unmistakable air of authority bursts into the room muttering under her breath
“had enough gonna need my 2 brick purse this time, Idiots surrounded by Idi….”
Stopping mid sentence she catch me with a gaze that could freeze supernova’s
“you this is all you fault and the Captain but mostly I BLAME You”
“Yeah I get that a lot”
I reply desperately trying to sound casual
The Captains voice come from a different corner almost as if he’s preparing an escape.
“Hang on Lo I was just bringing DC up to date with events.” pausing as if to see if his escape was going to be necessary. Seemingly satisfied he wasn’t about to cop a brick laden purse to the side of the head he continued
“DC you were too successful getting Sinsynn into containment last time. He had slipped out of HOP towers but he always comes back. This is where he belongs. So I had to spring him and slow you down. He’s not really dangerous just misguided and he can be very funny when properly motivated and it’s just not the same round here without him”
I look to the Boss Lady and get a confirming nod she carries on where the Captain left off
“We can keep Sin contained in his pen he just got a bit riled up over some nerfing nonsense and we have him back in HOP towers now it’s just we need a bit of help from you”
“Sins in the basement and for some reason I can’t find any volunteers to go down there after him”
“If you could just pop down there and get him I’d be ever so grateful” she smiles sweetly but somehow the smile never reaches her eyes.
“I do have some help for you though”
With this a furry blur whips onto the table and squeaky voice chimes in
“Yes he’s gone too far this time I’ll lead him too you”
I rub my eyes and wonder if this is all some side effect of the dimensional leap but no amount of eye rubbing or banging the side of my head clears the scene a Hamster did just talk to me.
The Boss Lady takes over
“This is the Hamster that lives in Sins head he’ll help you plan. You can pick up O on the way down but before you go I just need you to fill in some paperwork, nothing to worry about just standard liability waiver type thing”
She smiles that smile that doesn’t reach her eyes again
I skim through it noting it appears to be written on a napkin satisfied I sign then suddenly notice some small print
Will be held to blame for everything in perpetuity
But the napkin is whipped away and disappears into another different very cute purse. I stare hard but judge my chances of retrieving it as slim to none.
Oh well let’s do this thing I turn and strike out for the basement following a talking hamster.
This story concluded here
With a prologue here