Chronic Pandering

My heart thuds against my chest with the rapid stucatto of a Gattling gun at full chat, struggling to control my breathing through the snotty nose brought on by the terrifying events combined with the desperate run through the forest I listen intently for sounds of my pursuer hearing nothing I try to take stock of the events that had led me to be here so terribly alone.

“DC report at once to mission briefing” announced the tannoy

Now that can’t be good there’s no scheduled mission and I’ve been promised down time after that little incident with the Mutant Cannabal Sloth invading Haiti.

Well nothing else for it orders is orders. I make my way reluctantly through the underground base we’ve been staging from since our last base was nuked from the face of the earth by the combined wrath of the Pygmy Neuromancer and Doc Cheezyhelm the Crazed Butcher of Bognor.

I enter mission briefing a strange room comprised entirely of Corners.

” Reporting as ordered Captain”

“It’s out” . The voice reaches me from a corner but as always its impossible to tell which one

My stomach leaps into my throat, there could be only one ‘IT’ he could be referring too.

tentacle monster

“How’d it escape the Bronx containment zone, I mean dammit we sank most of the Jersey shore line into the Ocean getting him in there”

Quickly sensing the coming rebuke I hasten on

“Yes I know strictly speaking I didn’t have to but I think I did everyone a favour in the long run and you know you can’t give me something called seismic charges and expect me not to use them”

The Captains voice once again echoes from whatever corner (or is it all of them) he’s inhabiting now.

“The how we’ll figure out later. right now we have bigger problems He’s rampaging west on a direct course to Los Angeles”

“he’s going for her again isn’t he” I speculate

megan 1

The Captain’s voice drops “Yes however we have multiple intelligence reports that he keeps asking for directions to Rhodes Island then disintegrating anyone who points back in the direction he came”

He’s a whily Xenos for sure!!

“Take your team we will attempt to divert him into an unpopulated area, we have laid a trail of Peanut butter and strawberry preserve sandwiches made on raison and cinnamon bread leading to the Washington State Forests. With his known aversion to woodlands we should be able to isolate and bring the containment field up before he knows what’s hit him”

I should have known at that point that it was never going to be that easy!

“When you say team”

” Yes that’s you”

Thought so

The insertion went smoothly rappelling from the support craft into a woodland clearing I took stock something nagged at the back of my mind. How did he get out, the Bronx containment facility was foolproof, a desolate wasteland inhabited by holographic projections generated from the synaptic probe we gently inserted into 2 out of 5 of his brain stems by a team of thorough professionals


leading him to believe his terran disguise was effective and his keeper was actually the crazy lady he lived with

He couldn’t have got out on his own something else was behind this, forces dark and as yet unmasked. Pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind I began the hike to the ambush point making good time my spirits start to rise maybe just maybe this will go as planned for once.

I begin the delicate process of aligning the crystals that project the matrix of the containment field. Intelligence has for once done a bang up job selecting the site a narrow canyon with high walls and only one way through just need to get him in here and there’s no getting out.

I can hear him now mumbling curses I strain to hear

” damn them damn them nerf my camo will they, What will I do with my Exrah models” It then breaks down to inconsoloble wailing and knashing of teeth just for a second a moment of pity sweeps through me.

No Miss Fox needs my help I begin keying in the advanced randomosity calculation required to bring the containment field up.

Waa Waa Waa then nothing what!!! I Desperately push buttons before turning the control panel over and breaking open the access panel. Chewed every wire chewed through as if by large Rodents.


I knew he hadn’t got this far alone sensing my window for escape was narrowing rapidly I broke for the tree line running like I’d never run before hearing the slither and crash of breaking trees behind me…..

To be continued or possibly not depends whether I can be arsed Any similarity between the characters and any person Xenos or Internet personality is entirely on purpose.Sue me if you want but I ain’t got no money so it’s probably a waste of time


15 thoughts on “Chronic Pandering

      • For Realz of though I’m not sure you me and An unlimited budget is necessarily a good thing you just know it’s all gonna end in Las Vegas with a suitcase full of coke, a room full of Hookers, a heart attack and a police shoot out.

        Shrugs it is what is and we’d have some stories for sure


  1. Pffft! One pic of Synn in the whole thing and you didn’t even get his good side? Get him to send you some of his 8×10 glossies next time! What do you mean 8×10 glossy means something else to Synn? O.o

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Yet More Chronic Pandering | A Dragons Eerie

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